What's That You Say, Mrs. Robinson?

Lovely Day

Waking up in Mexico, day three.

I love how I can tell where I am first thing in the morning by the sounds I hear. Those sounds have changed drastically over the past six months. In San Carlos it was mockingbirds, scrub-jays, Caltrain, and sometimes the neighbor chatting with her cat. In Gig Harbor it was Canada geese, Bald Eagles, leaf blowers and boats. In Colorado it was, well...it was pretty quiet other than the occasional footsteps overhead (the guest room was in the basement). 

Here in Sayulita, Mexico it starts with the puppies barking. There is an animal shelter right across the road and they wake with the sun. That may sound annoying but we love dogs and they aren't too loud and it only lasts a short while. Then there is the neighborhood rooster who also isn't too loud and is at least a few houses away. The rooster and the burro seem to wake at approximately the same time, so he/she hee haws a few times to ensure we are ready to start the day. The sun doesn't come up until about 8am here so the animals waking with the sun doesn't feel intrusive. There are also the occasional vehicle noises as people make their way to work and school. If it has been raining, which it almost always has as it is rainy season here, there is also the sound of water rushing down the riverbed adjacent to our home and the passing vehicles splashing through the puddles. The wild parakeets don't seem to start moving around and making noise until later in the day.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Snapshot in time for this morning: 

• After having a fresh papaya and cup of coffee for breakfast, Dan is walking to the nearby pharmacia to purchase something to help unclog the wax in his ear created by dunking his head underwater in the pool over and over. These are the hazards we face and yes, Dan has started drinking coffee.
• I had to sweep a cricket out of the house first thing this morning and while doing so also swept a slug off of the porch. So far my critter management game has been strong. We are only day three, though. I have yet to be truly tested.
• The neighborhood cat is staring at me through the bushes. We have, not so creatively, named it "gato blanco." This is to compliment the dog who lives down the street who we have named "perro blanco." 
• I write this while sitting on the back patio listening to all of the sounds mentioned above and the song that inspired this post:

Hasta luego

The First Day of the Rest of My Life

Day One:

I woke to the sound of Canada Geese at 9:19am. 

Two things about this are remarkable to me. The preparation for the move we made yesterday has been exhausting. Although Dan has done most of the work for the past many months, the last week of packing up or disposing of twenty five years of living has been physically hard for me. I can still feel the effects of my chemo treatments; the fatigue, foot pain, and lack of physical movement and stamina are clear and present reminders of what I just went through. After waking yesterday at 5:30am and a twelve hour drive, I fell asleep just a little after 10pm last night. I drifted off, no, crashed hard while listening to the sound of the water lapping against the bulkhead and slept straight through until 9:19 this morning. A long, well-deserved, deep sleep.

And the Canada Geese. I always feel weird calling them that. Feels like it should be Canadian Geese. Either way, they are a sound I would not have heard waking up in San Carlos. Crows, song birds, a train, a helicopter, maybe even Seagulls were part of my morning soundtrack there. The sound of Canada Geese in the morning is a signal that Toto is not in Kansas any more. 

It is these kinds of signals that I want to be present for. Signals that remind me where I am. That I'm no longer where I have been for the last twenty five years. That things are different. Really different.

Not because I don't like where I was. I loved it very much. And now it's time for different. I want different and I want to spend each day awake to what is new and to feel the new chapters of my life unfold just as they should.

What have you done for the good of the group today?

Stardate March 17, 2020

Captain's Log:    COVID-19 Shelter-In-Place Day 1

I've always wanted to do that. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash

Information and insights into the virus itself is available everywhere. I don't need to document that here as well. Google it (this is a note to my future self more than anything).

Waking up this morning in a bizzarro world. The entire Bay Area is in a shelter in place situation. How people react to this new reality is a social experiment providing insights into ourselves and each other if we pay attention. 

I'm paying attention. 

Leading up to this we've seen a hoarding and stockpiling mentality that is a bit troublesome. It highlights those who center around fear. The "OMG if I don't have massive amounts of this thing I'm not going to be able to get it later and I might die" kind of fear. I'm not making fun of people who think and feel this way. I'm observing it and if any judgement is rendered it is one of sadness. I'm sorry you feel that. I'm sorry that for some reason you are so afraid and have so little faith in your neighbors, community, and society that you think you will be alone and unable to survive. 

That is not the world I want to live in. And it's a world that I refuse to live in. If, in fact, this turns out to be the apocalypse and people with guns come bursting through the door to steal what I have and I don't survive, then so be it. You can have that world. Adios. I've seen this mentality pop up in memes recently and it doesn't scare me. It truly breaks my heart.

The opposite reactions are also happening and thankfully, they are the more abundant right now. Or maybe the people I have chosen to connect with as my community are inherently more compassion oriented. The Ubuntu people. 

I am, because we are.

I see people offering to help each other. Our realtor up in Washington has put out repeated offers to run errands, do grocery shopping and deliver to people who can't get out to do things like that. Another friend has offered free coaching sessions, using her incredible talents to help people work through how to manage. A local therapist offering the services of her group of counselors, at little or no cost, to help people who need professional mental health assistance and bins of food in the waiting room if you need that kind of help also. Neighbors asking each other as we pass by on our walks "How are you doing? Do you need anything?"

The father of a dear friend of ours used to ask his family and friends each day "What have you done for the good of the group today?" Let me repeat that:

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR THE GOOD OF THE GROUP TODAY?"

Define "group" however you like. Your household. Your extended family. Your neighborhood. Your town. Your co-workers. Your country. Your world.

Now, more than ever, asking this question and seeking to answer it in meaningful ways is critical to our ability thrive. The what you've done may be big, it may be small. And I'll offer this: doing things for other people out of the kindness of your heart is good for YOU. There is all kinds of science that shows that doing things for other people increases our own happiness and sense of well-being. I've experienced this first hand when I've felt particularly sad and blue. One tiny little gesture of kindness toward another really does lift your spirits. 

This is the world I choose to live in. The one I choose to create. 

Won't you be my neighbor?

 

 

Don't Let the Day Get Away

With less than 2 weeks between today and our trip to London and Paris, I could easily be just marking time. Counting the days and going on auto pilot until the magical day.

Life is too short for that nonsense. Yes, I'm counting the days. I'm also enjoying the beautiful Northern California sunshine. Filling my hours with music and books and great friends. Today is today and it is the greatest gift I have been given.

Snacking on summer peaches and nectarines, listening to Kenny Chesney sing about guitars and tiki bars, all in the name of carpe diem. The sun on my shoulders and the memory of a wonderful dinner with close friends from last night remind me that although I may have great things coming in the future, I also have beauty around me right here, right now.

Download 2-04 Guitars And Tiki Bars

And this random photo is just that. It is one of the very few photos of my tatoo taken on Lanikai Beach in Hawaii a few years ago. I just like it.

 

Closer I Am to Fine

"I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore. 

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
Pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine. " - Indigo Girls

I'm about to turn 46 and I've had some turbulent years in terms of "finding myself." What I didn't know then is that I didn't need to find myself. I was there all along. I just needed to strip away all of the bullshit that was floating around in my head and listen to my soul for a while.

"Oh, THERE you are."

"I was here all along. You just forgot where I was and what I looked like."

"I remember now. Nice to see you again. Let's hang out for a while."

"Deal. I'm not going anywhere without you."

What will I bring?

A wise woman, with whom I was having lunch today, gave me a great suggestion in preparation for meeting my dad for the first time later this evening.

She suggested that I spend a few minutes either in my head or on paper thinking about not what I was expecting out of our meeting, but rather about what I wanted to bring to the moment. What kind of energy am I going to possess? Center myself around my inner being and visualize where I want to be after all is said and done, regardless of what actually transpires. I'm doing this here in real time, so bear with me.

I want to bring an energy that is open to whatever needs to happen. Energy that is whole and not broken because that is who I am at the very core. I am not looking to be healed, I am not looking for answers to any questions. I am simply open to the human being in front of me and learning who and how he is. If we only have the few moments in front of us and nothing further, that that's OK. If we find a connection and share a part of our lives moving forward, then that's OK, too. It will unfold as it should.

I want to bring acceptance and understanding and vulnerability. I want to bring joy and abundance because I have so much of both.

I don't have expectations about the outcome, but I am visualizing how I want to be at the end of this weekend:

I will come away from this experience as whole as I entered it. I may be exhasuted, I may be invigorated, but either way, I will be whole. I will be richer for having experienced this time with this person. I will grow somehow closer to those that are already so close to me because we will have had this experience together. I will learn something from this person and this experience. I don't know what that is yet, but I will.

I will feel whatever I feel, and I'll be a better person for it.

 

Once again, the blogosphere is.....graced

Please join me in welcoming (back) Grace Davis to the blogosphere with her new blog "graced." 

I first met Grace back in the early 2000s when we worked together at a small biotech start-up. She was a trailblazer in the mommy-blogger world with her gem, "I'm Dr. Laura's Worst Nightmare." Over the years, she evolved, along with her blog and for the past many years has been sadly absent from the blogosphere. 

Miss Davis was the dear soul who introduced me to the world of blogging. When I left the company where we both worked in 2004, she gifted to me a year of my TypePad fees so that I could start my own blog and have an outlet for my writing. I still can't thank you enough, sister Grace.

So imagine my utter delight and surprise when I woke up this mornig to a facebook post from Grace that she had started a new blog. I'm so glad to be able to share this with you. I know you will love this dear woman as much as I have over the years. 

Welcome back, Grace. How I've missed you so.

Sitting on the runway, engines reved and ready to go

I find myself feeling like a jet airplane today; full of fuel, a pilot at the helm, and on the tarmak with engines blazing and shaking slightly with all of the energy that I'm holding on to. Waiting for just the right moment to release the break and hit the throttle, I sit here ready as ever for take-off.

Background:

I have been at my current job for about seven and-a-half years. In three more weeks, I will come to the end of my journey here and will launch fully into a discovery and experimentation phase. In January I musterd up some courage and decided to leave this amazingly wonderful job that I have called home for so many years. It was a tough decision, but from the moment I made it I knew with every fiber of my being that it was the right one.

It's funny how sometimes you just KNOW something so completely.

In the past several months I have begun to ready myself for this new journey. Using the right side of my brain more predominantly than ever before, I have taken photography classes, started drawing and keeping an art journal, began writing more than ever before, and just generally giving life to that side of me.

Dan thinks I'm the "crazy pen lady" based on how many different colors of pens I keep on me at any give time and on my constant doodling and drawing while watching TV. I just can't seem to get enough color or creativity in my life right now. It's like I was stranded in the desert for so long and am now kneeling beside an ample oasis and drinking in every last drop.

One might ask, "For what purpose?" Honestly, I'm not exactly sure yet. What I AM sure of is that it gives me energy, clarity and space to think about other parts of my life. That doesn't mean I have all the answers because heaven knows there are things in my life that I'm still struggling with and trying to solve. It does mean that I feel, more than ever, like my authentic self.

And there doesn't need to be any other purose than that.

On that day, at the end of June, when I walk out of the building for the last time, I have a sneaking suspicion that I'll be blaring the theme from Top Gun in my car with the sunrooof open and my shades on and my hair blowing and I'll be smiling and feeling like I "feel the need....the need for speed!"

Let's just hope I don't get a ticket on the way home (or wherever I'll be headed....).

Be Careful What You Ask For

My last post was about feeling sluggish and somewhat paralized. This one is about quite the opposite feeling, but with a similar outcome. I have so many ideas, desires, wishes, dreams, possibilities and choices swimming about me. Pulled in so many different directions at the same time can result in feeling like you are standing still.

I'm not complaining. This is a very exciting time in my life. I'm seeing a career coach who is helping me discover and think through what my next big calling in life might be. It is a fascinating and exciting process. I just finished the Mondo Beyondo process that has me creating space in my life for all of the new possibilities (litterally and figuratively). I'm doing creative things, talking to people about new professional opportunities that are so very different than anything I've ever doen before. I'm both making things happen for myself and sitting back to let life bring me what it will at the same time.

When I take a step back to ponder and consider this, it boggles my mind! How transformative. How brave. How lucky. How very, very, overwhelming.

Part of it is that I need to get comfortable with this new state of being. With having a state of mind that allows me to be constantly available for life's bounty and path.

Welcome to the new world, Mrs. Robinson. We've been waiting for you.

Taking Photos, Sharing Joy

I just signed up for an on-line photo "class" of sorts called SuperHero Photos. It is done by the same inspirational person who writes the SuperHero Journal. The course is several weeks long and is meant to help the participant see things differently and try new ways of taking photos. It's less of a technical "how to" and more of a "open your mind and your heart and capture what you see."

I'm also participating in HopeLab's Joy Campaign which is a 6 month endeavor to create and spread joy in celebration of their 10th anniversary. Because why wouldn't you want to create and spread joy?

There are interesting possibilities in the combination of these two activities and I look forward to sharing them with you here. I'll be posting my photos on flikr, with commentary and links here.

I'll need help along the way with some of the exercises that the photo class will be giving me, so prepare yourself. I hope that I can spread some joy in your world!

To begin this adventure, I'd like to share with you a favorite photo of my grandfather who knew how to find joy in every moment like no other person I've ever known. He knew how to have fun and how to make others feel special about themselves. I like that brand of joy.

Quietly giving thanks

This Thanksgiving Dan and I are at home with Payton. Darren is up at my Mom's and I'll join him there tomorrow (after we do some black Friday shopping that is). It is a very different kind of Thanksgiving these days. We used to go to Dan's Mom's house with about 20 other family members. It was crazy in many ways, but it was great.

Now it is very quiet. Dan and I watching football, Payton in and out of the house. Ronaldo likes that we are here on the couch for sure. I'm still cooking only instead of the whole shabang, our menu looks like this:

• Roasted chicken with potatoes and carrots
• Sausage stuffing
• Garlic mashed potatoes
• Swiss corn bake
• Garlic and butter green beans

We just finished a yummy appetizer of bacon wrapped water chestnuts (pictured here). YUM!

And this year I'm more thankful than ever for my family. We may not be a perfect family, but we love each other very much and everyone is healthy.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

Testing 123

Playing with my new phone and the Typepad application. Very cool. What will they think of next?

Houseboat bound

On Tuesday EARLY AM we will be loading our sleepy children young men into the Jeep and heading up to Bullard's Bar Resevoir. My Mom and step Dad have had a houseboat on the lake for about 14-15 years now. We go up at least once every summer, more if we can. Both of the boys have literally grown up there. I am including some photos of last year's trip here.

My friends, this is a true vacation. There is nothing to be done but lay around on a "floaty" or a tube listening to tunes (I made a special play list on my iPod this time...a sampling of the tunes is at the end of this post). The houseboat is equipped with a full kitchen and a couple of BBQ's. For breakfast we either do bear claws, fruit, bagels, etc. or sometimes we do pancakes (Jim's grandpa's recipe) or leftovers in a skillet (potatoes, corn, onions, eggs, maybe some bacon or steak).

The more adventurous folks do water skiing, wake boarding, tubing, air-chairing etc. Sometimes we take the ski boat on a trip up the river (Yuba River) where the water is much colder from the mountain run-off. Sometimes we venture over to someone else's houseboat for cocktails or karaoke. This year we will also have some other friends up who will be camping on the shore so we'll be visiting their campfire one night.

The kids have a blast swimming, jumping off the top of the houseboat, looking for frogs on the shore. They eat a lot and sleep a lot. I feel so fortunate that my kids have grown up with this experience year after year.

My grandparents have even come up several times. My grandmother, at the age of 80ish has even taken a jetski ride! A very mild one, but still, quite impressive in my book.

This year on our way up we will be stopping to see my grandparents first (they live about 45 min. away). My grandfather thinks that this is the last time we will see him as his health is ailing fast. We have thought that he was on his last leg for about 5 years now, so who knows. You just never pass up the opportunity to have a "last visit" because you never know when it just might be reality this time.

We will be spending the 4th of July at the boat which I don't think we've ever done before.

I'm personally looking forward to a few naps on a floaty, some skirt steak on the bbq, a cocktail or two, a good book, time with the family and friends, and head start on my Maui tan.

Dreaming of time away

I've got a kick ass summer planned so far. Check this out:

June 23-27: In Vegas for an HR conference but hubby is coming with me. "What happens in Vegas..." Staying at the MGM Grand. Visions of hubby on the endless river by the pool while I'm networking... Taking our refund from the state of CA and putting it on the tables (Craps for him, Roulette for me)! Clearly we are not very grown up yet! Mom, don't shoot, me please. Hot sun. Working on our Maui tans (read ahead). Time for just the two of us...PRICELESS.

July 13-15: In Mexico with high school chick friends, staying at Rosarito Beach, doing spa treatments (for me, warm stone massage and a French manicure) and other assorted chick things. Becka, D, and Katie....all together now..."Juan! Una mas margarita, por favor!" Need to find a cute skirt for the trip.

August 3-14: Hawaii, the first 7 days on Maui, the next 4 days on Oahu. Do I need to say any more? OK, I will. We are going with 3-4 other families from the town we live in. At least 10 kids between the ages of 8 and 17. Almost all boys. Several people having birthdays, including me, sort of. I'll be 40 on the 19th. Close enough. Let's party. Oh, (insert Hawaiian name here), mai tai! Mahalo! Photos of our last trip to Napili Bay here. Then it's off to Oahu where we visit family and spend time here. Not a bad gig.

A little bit of senioritis? Certainly. I've got a LOT of work to do this summer career wise. Ask hubby. I'm literally at the hight of my career right now (so far) and I need to not just maintain, but kick ass indefinitely. Don't get me started with the "work's not everything" stuff. Check out where I work and you'll see why I'm so committed.

Work hard, play hard. That's what I'm talkin'  'bout!

Another Week Gone By

Another week has come to a close. We had a pretty good weekend. It was rainy on Saturday, but we got in a Costco run (bought a new palm tree for the backyard) and an attempted trip to the bank (long story), then a party on Saturday night. One of our friends turned 50 (YIKES) and the shin dig was a blast. Lots of folks we knew and many we didn't.

Today was great...we got a bunch of cleaning done and then one of my friends (that I've known since high school) came over with her beautiful family. Katie and Aaron have the two most beautiful children. You can read about them here on Katie's blog. She has chronicled nearly every day of their 2 years of life.

We walked to the park and the guys went and got some sandwiches. Payton and Aaron threw the ball around and it was just a really nice afternoon in the sun with dear friends. Life is good.

Looking forward to another week. My new boss comes on board tomorrow and we have a welcome dinner for him after work. More baseball during the week, and then some of my in-laws come to town on Friday to stay for a few days. We'll get to celebrate my nephew's first birthday with him on Saturday and hosting a little shin dig for him. You know I'll be posting pics of that!

Have a great week y'all! Let's hope for a little more peace in the world...

Sisterhood of the Traveling Skinny Pants

The blogosphere has once again demonstrated it's kindness and usefulness to me. While I have been chronicling my recent weight loss you have all been so supportive in so many different ways. One of my Woolfcamp comrades, Debra Roby, has also shed some pounds in the recent months and has skinnied out of her size 12 jeans (pictured here).

Now, this is wonderful enough, mind you. However miss Debra has taken it one step further. SHE SENT ME HER PANTS! I arrived home from work one day last week to a wonderful package in my mailbox (don't you love when you get something other than bills and junk?). It was the traveling skinny pants.

Not only are these pants in the size that is next on my way down to a slimmer me, but they comply with my "no more Mom jeans" rule. They are a nice low-rise variety and they also have some stretch in them. PERFECT. I could feel the good karma that came with them as soon as I put them on....

So here I am (sorry the lighting isn't the best) in the skinny pants. A size 12...the size I haven't seen in about 6 years. I love them, and I will take good care of them until it is time to send them on to one of you. I hope to soon be holding out the waistband on these puppies just Debra is doing in the first photo.

In the mean time...I was on the treadmill EVERY day this week. I got my ass out of bed early and spent 30-45 minutes walking every day. It felt soooo good and I will be making this party of my daily routine...for life. I took Saturday off (however I did walk to my son's baseball game instead of driving), and today I'm going to fit in a good hour (I like to do the 5k program as a stretch day, something to push me hard).

I also hope to be posting our menu for the week later on today...so stay tuned. Busy busy day!

Getting Paid

One of the many definitions of "professional" is: "Performed by persons receiving pay." In that sense, I am now a professional blogger!

That's right, you see those little ads to the right under the "Blogher Ad Network" language? Every time one of you views my blog with one of those ads on it, I get a smidgen of cash. Over time, that ads up and yesterday I received my first ever check from Blogher! They don't pay you until you have accumulated more than $25 and yesterday I got a check for $27 and some change. It covered the time period between October and December of 2006.

Thanks to all of you for contributing to my payday!

It may not be enough to quit my day job, but at this point it just about pays for my TypePad account. Not bad, huh? (She pats herself on the back).

Blue Christmas good-bye

Shiny, happy  tree, originally uploaded by KRob2005.

Now that the crappy stuff at work is done (SERIOUSLY bad week at work for me) I am beginning to get into the holiday spirit. At least I'm trying. I think it will be much easier/better when the kids are done with school.

I've had a serious case of the blues for the last week (and thus why I haven't been posting as much) but I am actively trying to get out of it. I don't want it to control me. I want to control IT. Good music, being with my family, making cookies, sending Christmas cards, shopping, long hot showers etc.

This photo was taken on my cell phone. It is of a tree that I saw when I went to a Ladies Christmas Desert last week. I don't think I've ever been to a "ladies" anything before and it was quite out of my comfort zone, but it was nice. I went with a couple of dear friends of mine and it was a nice break in the week. Even though I was exhausted when I got home.

I think "It's a Wonderful Life" is in order for tonight! It reminds me of how rich I am because I have so many wonderful friends and such a kick ass family.

KP duty...peeling taters

KP duty...peeling taters, originally uploaded by KRob2005.

I've been absent for a few days. Totally blew my Nablopomo duties. Damn it.

But that's what happens when you are "in the moment" of the holidays. Too busy living the day and planning for the week to come to think about posting.

One of the changes that I noticed this year was the ability and willingness of my kids to help with the Thanksgiving meal. This photo is of D and his great-uncle Jack peeling potatoes together. P also chipped in by helping his Dad do the dishes afterwards. Yes, it was a family affair in many ways. All in all it was a great break from work and a much needed visit with the family. You can see more photos here.

Now it is onward and upward towards Christmas. Our house is already in a frenzy. More on that later.

To Grandmother's House We Go

Quick post today...we are off, like much of America...to our Thanksgiving Day destination. In our case, we are headed from the Bay Area to Nevada City, CA where my Mom lives. We will also be seeing my Grandparents (pictured here).

We consider ourselves VERY lucky that our kids know their Great-Grandparents so well. All together, our kids have 4 Great-Grandparents still with us. How much more rich their lives are that they are close to and spend time with family that is 3 generations ahead of them. I take it for granted sometimes, but remind myself as often as I can how fortunate the whole family is.

We will be joined by my uncle from St. Louis. We forgive him for being from St. Louis (we are avid Giants fans and have an issue with the Cardinals going back to 1987). It will be so great to hang out with him and catch up on what he and his new wife have been doing.

We are taking Ronaldo with us. It's a long car ride for him, but he is just so social, it is much better than leaving him at home to be dog sat. So that's it. We are off. I will be blogging Thanksgiving here and there. I think it would be fun to live blog the cooking process...we'll see how that actually works out...much love to you and yours as you chow down!

PS - you may have noticed no "What's Cookin'" this week. Kind of pointless because clearly it is the turkey that is cookin'!