What's That You Say, Mrs. Robinson?

My new Fave BLOG

I'd like to introduce you all to my new favorite blog. It is very personal in nature. Not the funniest, most creative or hippest. It is however, technology at its best.

Let me introduce you to my dear friend Katie and her husband Aaron. They became parents on March 15th after YEARS of trying. You know the deal, IVF, $$$$$, several miscarrages etc. On the 15th, Katie gave birth to Trent and Sophie after only 25 weeks of gestation. Katie had been in bed for about a month before that.

Trent weighed in at about 1 lb 10 oz and Sophie at 1 lb 5 oz. Every day is an absolute miracle for Trent, Sophie and their proud parents. Anyway some of their friends got together and started a blog so that folks could update each other with information on the well being of the babies and the parents.

Please visit Keeping a Keene Watch and send your love to these miracle children.

For those of you who are interested, here is a little bit more of a background on my connection with this beautiful family. Katie and I went to 8th grade and high school together. The two of us, along with 3 others, Becky, Kelly, and Deidra (we all went to high school together), have been steadfast friends ever since. We have been through births, deaths, graduations, highs, lows, and everything in between together. We have vacationed together, gotten in some trouble together, and brought 5 amazing men into the mix via marriage together! Together we now have 8 children, 6 boys and 2 girls. We now live all across the country: Philly, Orlando, San Diego, Willow Glenn and San Carlos. We are a doctor, a web designer, a marketing wiz, an HR pro, and a teacher. We have been told by a psychic that we have all been together throughout time. Apparently we were all in some major trouble together a few hundred years ago and it is my belief that we were all tried as witches at the Salem Witch Trials together.

When we get together something really amazing happens to the energy around us. Especially when all 5 of us are together (which doesn't happen very much any more, but when it does, look out). It feels like electricity. The guys kind of laugh about it because, well, that's all they really can do. When I am with them, I feel like I breath better, I think better, my soul is complete.

I'm sure many of you read "The Ya Ya Sisterhood" and if you did, well, it's kind of like that with us. When that book came out we all had a good laugh. It was like someone had finally been able to articulate many of the things that we had done, been through and felt together.  I'll find some photos to scan in and share with you, although I'll warn you now. Some of the photos will be from the early 80's and we all know that it wasn't a pretty time.

Becka, D, Kel, and especially Katie: I love you guys so much right now and always. You complete me. Seriously, don't laugh. I'm being vulnerable right now. Be nice.

Rock on, my son

What a big weekend for my now 14 year old son, Payton. He turned 14 on Friday, and this morning he had an interview at Serra High School (whose alumni are very impressive, see the end of this post for a list) as the last step in the admissions process. There are over 500 kids applying for 258 spots. He spent about 10 minutes being interviewed 1 on 1 and then Dan and I came in for another 10-15 minutes. This is kind of a tricky process for us as Serra is an all-boys Catholic school and we aren't Catholic (back in the day, I was baptized Catholic, but it was literally a back-door baptism as my Mom was a 17 year old unwed mother and especially back in the '60's in the mid-west, that was highly frowned upon.).

Although they say that you don't have to be Catholic to attend Serra, you know it helps. On the application, we had to write about what we were doing for the spiritual growth of our kids since we weren't attending any church. That required some real introspection on my part since we haven't necessarily made a point to foster a spiritual side of our kids, but as I thought about it, I found that we did, in fact, in our own way, teach our children to be mindful of their place in this world, to "do unto others...", to be giving, caring, thoughtful, respectful, and to understand that they are a part of a large community that we call the Earth. They know all about Karma and have seen it in action. They know that character is how you behave when you think that nobody is watching.

Which brings me to the BIG lesson that Payton learned today. The man that interviewed him used to be a teacher at the middle school that he attends. The teacher remembered him from when he was in the 5th and 6th grade. He didn't teach him in class, but he knew him from the time he had "playground duty." He said that he remembered Payton as being a good kid who followed the rules and looked out for some of other kids (Payton has always been in that "cool jock" group and has been in a unique position to be a role model at an early age). As we walked out of the interview and back to the car, I asked Payton how well he knew the teacher and he said that he remembered him but didn't know him that well. I couldn't help but point out the fact that his behavior and his attitude 2 or 3 years ago was watched by someone without him really knowing about it, and that because he was a good kid, and treated people well (which for a 10-11 year old boy out on the playground is not necessarily the norm), he was now reaping the rewards. I said, "Payton, you never know how your actions today will effect your future. You just learned that by just being a good kid a couple of years ago, your interview was off to a good start before you ever even opened your mouth. That teacher remembered you, and had a high opinion of you, and now that is going to possibly get something that you really want."

What a HUGE lesson to learn and to see come to fruition right in front of his eyes. I big Mom **sigh** moment for me. And a big moment for Payton. He did really well during the rest of the interview, he smiled, he looked the interviewer right in the eyes, he was articulate and passionate about why he was there.

From there we went to Big 5 to get him cleats and sliding pants for baseball tryouts today. Like I said, it's a big day for him, one that could weigh heavily on his self-confidence. The first part went well, and gave him confidence going into tryouts. My son, how you are turning into a beautiful, self-sufficient young man who is tackling all that life puts before you. You make my heart weep with joy and admiration.

To both of my son's, I would like to quote my favorite author, Maya Angelou:
Because you are who you are, I have never had to exaggerate. I just tell the truth: I have the most wonderful son in the world.

All night tonight and all day tomorrow, including the Superbowl, I will have a house full of 14 year old boys (about 8-10 of them at any given time) helping Payton celebrate his birthday. I tend to only get religious during times like these. Lord, grant me the strength and the wisdom...and if I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. If I shall live through the night, I pray that there is enough tequila in the house to get me through tomorrow!

Serra Alumni:
Professional Athletes - Barry Bonds, Tom Brady, Lynnn Swan, Greg Jeffries,
President and CEO Trader Joe’s, John Sheilds
New York Times Editor and Pulitzer Prize Winner, William Keller

Day 1 of the Meds

Obviously from the content of my recent blogs I've had a one track mind lately. Darren's ADHD meds are at the top of our list of things to think, plan and worry about. Appologies if this is boring any of you, but it is an important time in our lives.

Darren took his first dose of meds (Concerta) this morning. We were to start with the smallest dose which is 18mgs. That doesn't seem to have had any affect on Darren at all, so tomorrow we will try 2 pills (36mgs) and see if that does anything. If not, we'll up it to 54mgs either Monday or Tuesday, depending on what the Doc says. We are all just holding our breath to see what happens. Meanwhile, everything else seems to be happening in the background.

Dear Darren, Part I

Dear Darren,

As we go through this transition period of putting you on medication for your ADHD, I find myself wanting to explain things to you that you may not even be equipped to hear, or at least care about at your tender age of 11. I want to document those thoughts now so that one day, when you are ready, you can read what I am thinking and feeling and understand how we got to where we are (wherever that may be).

You are a remarkable young man. You are bright, inquisitive, sensitive, empathetic, and sweet beyond belief. You are all of those things, especially when your ADHD is under control. When it is not under control you are argumentative, negative, oppositional, sad, angry, frustrating and sometimes irritating. This negative side of you is not really you. It is the ADHD. This is why we have decided that medication is necessary. This thing called ADHD sometimes changes you into someone that we know you don’t want to be. Not that you having ADHD is all bad. There are some wonderful parts of it too. Parts that I hope you don’t loose all together with the medication. You are energetic, curious, and excitable, which in many situations makes you a crap load of fun to be with. It is being able to tell when it is OK to be those things and when it isn’t that we hope will become easier for you on the medication.

You amaze us everyday with your observations and your long-term memory. You know what song was playing the last time we drove through a particular city. You know if it was raining the last time we went to a particular restaurant. Yet, somehow, you can’t remember from one minute to the next where you put your shoes, or set down your pencil. That is ADHD.

My stomach hurts when I think of how hard it must be to be Darren inside of that head of yours. All of the thoughts going through your brilliant mind at any given moment must be frustrating. My heart actually hurts when I think of how frustrated you must get when everyone is yelling at you all day long, or at least nagging at you about the same things all of the time. “Darren, sit still. Darren, pay attention. Darren, stop making that noise. Darren, I asked you to sit down, why aren’t you doing it? Darren, can you please be quiet just for just one minute?” I’m about to cry just writing this. If I could buy just one day for you to not have to deal with that, I’d pay every cent I have. I am hoping that the medication at least makes it a little better for you.

You have had a hard time keeping good friends. I know in my heart it isn’t because you aren’t a good friend and fun to be with. It is just that kids your age, by and large, don’t have the capacity to understand why you are the way you are, and to see beyond the “difficult” Darren. I hope, with all of my heart, that between the medication and your continued maturity, that this changes. You have so much to offer to a friend. That will come with time.

Sometimes I just get so angry with the world for not understanding you. Don’t they see how awesome you are? How your smile lights up a room? How you see things so differently that just hanging out with you can be such a huge learning experience in perception? There are so many times when I have just wanted to whisk you away and take you to a place where you didn’t have to deal with people who don’t understand you. Where you could just be yourself without of those ridiculous rules and restrictions on your life. How you would shine!

Your Dad and I get so focused on the day to day worries of helping you finish your homework and learning what you are supposed to learn that we often forget about using your insatiable inquisitiveness to teach you other things. We will try to be better at that. You deserve it. And what a special treat for us to have a kid that challenges us so much and makes us push our limits of knowledge, and reasoning and (big sigh)…patience!

You love John Lennon, and he wrote a song that makes me think of you every time I hear it...you know it...I sing it to you sometimes when you are trying to fall asleep..."Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy..." Tonight when I put you to bed you were all smiles and full of hope. That's my Darren!

The One Where She Professes Her Love For SpongeBob

I'm sure you have all heard the absurdities coming from the right-wing "moral majority" recently regarding SpongeBob SquarePants and the fact that he, and other righteous cartoon characters like Jimmy Nutron, is promoting the idea that a homosexual lifestyle is...gulp...God forbid...acceptable. I'm not going to spend much time on this but I just had to profess my love, openly and especially to you my readers, for Mr. SquarePants. He makes me laugh, he makes me do very silly things trying to impersonate him, he just wants to eat Crabby Patties and hang out with Patrick. He taught me how to "take it around town."

Read this commentary if you would like a simple, yet insightful commentary on the subject at hand.

I really do think that we are all more alike than different, and that it is only when we let our differences divide us that we get into trouble. Why can't it be OK that you are different than I, and that we leave each other be, or better yet, celebrate and embrace our differences? "Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be"

ADHD Doctor Update

Dan and I met with Darren's new doctor this morning for about an hour. We went through all of the normal questions, was it a normal pregnancy, birth, any unusual occurences durring childhood (are you kidding...everything was an unusual occurance), yadda yadda yadda. The doctor appeared to be very nice and he asked a lot of good questions beyond the chatter I mentioned above. His office was, well, as Dan put it, didn't inspire confidence. It was a small office in a small building shared with other therapist types. The carpet had to be 20 years old and furniture wasn't far behind. I go back and forth on this. On one had, who cares what the stuff looks like, as long as he is compitent and good with Darren. On the other hand, Dan was right. It didn't impress me. We'll see how tomorrow goes when Darren meets with him for about an hour.

In the past we have always had the best doctors for Darren. His first Pediatrician was highly recommended and outstanding. Darren's eye doctor (he has strabismus, or lazy eye on top of everything else), is highly saught after in the area and hard to get an appointment with. She is regarded as the best for childhood eye problems beyond just simple sight issues. And the doctor who Darren originally saw for his ADHD evaluation is beyond fabulous. Dr. Jacknow has been recommended to us by virtually everyone we know who has had similar issues. Unfortunately, because this doctor will have to prescribe medication for Darren on an on-going basis and will require seeing him frequently to get the dosages right, we are stuck with what our insurance will cover, and who it will cover. It is amazing how difficult it is to find a doctor that is 1) on your health plan coverage 2) does what you need him/her to do and 3) taking new patients! That is how we got to where we are. We don't have a whole lot of choices at this point. Who knows, we may rave about this doctor someday. I'm optimistic. I also just want someone to help us make some changes so that we can have less conflict in Darren's life, and in ours.

What I'm doing now that the kids are in bed...

Typepad is down!! Good God. Just when I was ready to try this trackback thing that Grace taught me how to do today (as we sat in a fabu restaurant with wifi service) over tamales and quesadillas! What if I forget by the time I login again tomorrow? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see. I’m writing in a word document that I will copy over as soon as TP is back up. I just got an email from one of my best friends, Becky who says she’s been lurking on my blog. COMMENT BECKY, COMMENT so that I know you are there. I miss you fiercely and would love to know when you visit.

My rock-star husband just put a package of Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies in front of me! He rocks my world.

I finally found a doctor for Darren today. To catch some of you up on what we are doing, Darren was diagnosed with ADHD about 3 years ago. At that time we decided not to put him meds because there were so many other things we and his teachers could do to help him. Well, 3 years and a few failing grades and detentions later, it is time for meds. Literally, before our family melts down. We had to change health care insurers and call about 2 dozen doctors before we found someone who would see him. Dan and I will see the doctor next Tuesday for an hour and then he’ll see Darren, hopefully just a few days later and then, keep your fingers and toes crossed, we’ll start Darren on meds. It will take a while to find the right med with the right dosage, but that I can handle. If any of you have ever dealt with a kid with ADHD, you know our pain. Darren is one hell of a kid and to see him struggle like he is with his behavior and his grades just breaks my heart. I feel physically ill when we get a phone call from one of his teachers.

Happy Friday everyone!!!!!

Rockin' in the Holiday Season

For about 10 of the last 13 years, my family has had a tradition on the Sunday evening after Thanksgiving of going the Los Altos Parade of Lights at which we have been treated to marching bands and various Christmas characters and floats all lit up with holiday lights. We feast on hot chocolate, cookies and candy canes as we watch the parade go by. All of the children with their pink cheeks and wide eyes. It is a Norman Rockwell event on steroids.

So now my kids are 11 and 13 and that parade is no longer the draw it used to be. Yet another tradition down the teen aged toilet.

So, what to do, what to do. I have to admit that it was not a conscious replacement of events, but turned out to be a stunning contrast, quite amusing to me as I thought about it. What we did this Sunday evening after Thanksgiving was take the kids to see the Metallica concert in San Jose! The mother of all head bangin' bands, the granddaddys of metal themselves. As I looked over at my kids and my husband at the concert, all of them bobbing their heads in true metal fashion, I suddenly saw the contrast between the metal extravaganza and the parade of lights. How times have changed. I miss those innocent days of sugar plum ferries and reindeer, but I have to admit, I loved shouting "give me fuel, give me fire, give me that which I desire" with my boys! They are growing up to be not just great kids, but individuals that I enjoy spending time with. People with whom I have much in common. And the true blessing of this Thanksgiving for me is the fact that my pre-teen and teen-aged sons actually enjoyed hanging out with their parents on this evening. God bless us, everyone!

Zits/ So, I'm on a roll, big deal

Ok, so this is my 3rd post in about 1/2 hour. Grace told me to go ahead and blog while the wine is flowing, and now everything seems interesting.

So, my oldest son (who is 13, will be 14 in Dec.) just asked me to pop a zit for him. Ok, my husband is now going "oh my god, you are going to write about this?" Yes honey, women like to share experiences, guys skip this one, you won't care.

So I did the whole sanitary thing, washed my hands, had him get an Oxy Clean Pad ready. And then, I did it! I took his not so little chin in my hands and I used my years of experience to pop that sucker! I explained (in a very clinical way) what I was doing. "You don't want to hurt yourself, just get rid of the white stuff in the zit." I had him gently dab the area with his Oxy Clean Pad afterwards. The cutest thing was what he said just before I did it: "Is it going to hurt?" As much of a MAN as he is trying to be, he still wants to know if he is going to experience an "owey." The funniest thing about the whole thing was when I had to stop and ask him "Which one" in regards to which zit I was supposed to pop. His response: "The big monster one."

Priceless.