It is less than 48 hours before I am 40.
1/2 way to 80.
My grandfather is 87. He smoked for about 40 years of his life. He crawled across France and Checeslovakia on his stomach and earned the bronze star in WWII. He paced the floors with me when I was a newborn during the wee hours of the morning and came to every softball game I had when I was a teen. When I call him, he says "Now there is the sweetest voice I have EVER heard." When I was majorly hung over at the ripe old age of 16 on Easter Sunday, he refused to believe it. He thought his poor granddaughter was the victim of food poisoning at the drive-in instead.
He is suffering from emphysema. He only has the use of 10% of ONE of his lungs. He also suffers from COPD.
Oh JOY! Why on earth would you want to continue to read this post?
Good question!
Because this is a post about love and bravery and devotion and honor and love again.
He is the only real father figure I have ever known. He is everything I know about the masculine side of parenting and love and me.
He takes my breath away. And he is very near the end of his life.
Every hour, every day, I think about his final hours. I try to figure out when I'm going to see him next.
The issue is that he has been "on his last legs" for about 5 years now. He is a STRONG son of a bitch. He could go tomorrow. It could be another 5 years.
What the hell do I do?
Dearest Kris,
What do you do?
Remain present.
Honor each minute you're with him.
If it's too hard, leave the room. It's okay.
Cry your eyes out. That's okay, too.
Tell your grampa that he can go, he deserves a rest, he can move on and the rest of you will catch up.
Fucking eat something. And hydrate.
Let Dan take care of the boys.
Toast your grandpa's life.
Love,
Grace
Posted by: GraceD | August 17, 2007 at 11:31 PM
He sounds like a character! It's hard to know exactly what to do, except to be there with him as much as you can.
Posted by: Margaret | August 18, 2007 at 01:33 PM
I LOVE what Grace said. I want to say ditto.
Hang in love.
That's not easy and it's hard not to be sad in front of them. Just be present. Take his his favorite foods and listen to his stories. AND Breathe!!
Posted by: Ann | August 20, 2007 at 09:29 AM