Who would you be today, Timmy?

Tim Volkert 1988-2003

Who You'd Be Today - Kenny Chesney

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
Wear the pain like a heavy coat
I feel you everywhere I go
See your smile, I see your face
I hear you laughing in the rain
Still can't believe your gone

It ain't fair you died to young
Like a story that had just begun
But death tore the pages all away
God knows how I miss you
All the hell that I've been through
Just knowing, no one could take your place
Sometimes I wonder, who you'd be today

Would you see the world
Would you chase your dreams
Settle down with a family
I wonder what would you name your babies
Someday's the sky's so blue
I feel like I can talk to you
And I know it might sound crazy

Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know, I'll see you again someday

Someday, someday

Timmy Volkert was 15 years old when he passed away in his sleep. He had an enlarged heart that nobody knew about and it gave out on him in early December 2003. I remember that day like it was today. The entire community was punched in the gut and we didn't catch or breath for days, weeks, months to come.

Timmy was a hero, larger than life, to kids like my son who is now the same age that Timmy will always be, 15. He was a baseball superstar and could have been cocky and arrogant. But he wasn't. He was kind, a role model. When Payton was in 5th grade and Timmy in 8th, Payton remembers Timmy giving him a kind pat on the head and a "hey, what's up kid?" in in the hallway. In San Carlos there is a Tim Volkert award in Pony Baseball given each year to the kid who most exemplifies Tim's character; dedicated, positive, encouraging to other players, always a smile on his face, always willing to do whatever the team needs him to do, a leader. Tim got these characteristics from his parents. When we went to visit them shortly after Tim's passing, THEY hugged US, THEY comforted US. Not because we needed it, or asked for it, but because that's just who they were and how they were as a family.

I'll never forget that cold December night we spent on the baseball field at Burton Park with hundreds of other community members and friends of Tim's. The candlelight memorial, the kids who played songs on their guitars and sang for Tim. The kids who cried for him and the adults who were trying to stay strong for them.

When Payton heard the song "Who You'd Be Today" and said, "Mom, this is totally a song about Timmy," I realized that Tim's death is still very much a part of who he his, who we are. But even more important  than that, Tim's life is what we miss, what we strive to carry forward and carry with us every day.

Comments

[John Volkert]

Kris -
My wife Jo happened across your weblog of Oct. 25th today with your thoughts and memories of our son Tim. While we couldn't read your heartfelt comments without crying, I want you to know that it is very gratifying to see that Tim's character is still having an impact on the lives of kids and adults in our town. Not a day goes by that we don't wonder what his life and our lives would be like had he lived. In some ways, my biggest fear is that memories of his life would begin to fade. It is nice to hear that is not the case...

John Volkert

[Lin]

Kris, I'm in Adelaide, South Australia on holiday, and just read your latest postings, including the very moving tribute to the memory of Tim Volkert. I sat still, in front of my computer, and wept for young Tim and his family.

[Johnny]

I saw Tims name on a San Diego Adult Baseball message board and decided to google him.

It seems someone in our league knew him and at the end of there messages they have a note that says RIP Tim Volkert 1988 - 2003 you will forever be missed.

I will try to use his memory as a reminder to do the right thing and appreciate the people around me.

Thank You

[Brandon Walker Robinson]

Kris,

This story has touched my heart so much and brought a tear to my eye once again. Tim was the first close friend that I had ever lost. It is now seven years to the day of his death, and a picture of him pitching still remains on my computer desktop in memory of him. I will never forget him.

Even though he is not here today, the time I knew him affected my life immensely. I am a better person now because of him and do not hesitate to give him credit for it. I'd like to think that I am somewhat of a reflection of the man that he'd be today, only he would be ten times better in every way. He would be a Major League Baseball pitcher and would give back to the community without a second's hesitation. He would walk into a room with a smile on his face and light up the entire room.

I was at that candlelight vigil and his memorial service in the Carlmont High School gymnasium. When my friend played Tears In Heaven on guitar at Burton Park that night, I aspired to learn guitar just in hopes of being able to play that song. I now can, and every time I play it there is only one name I think of. When they played Forever Young during his memorial service, not only did I cry the last tears that were left in my body, but his name attached to that as well.

My point is, it will be impossible for me to ever forget him. Every day I am constantly reminded of what he did for me in my life and potentially for everyone else he had ever met. I recently lost my guinea pig who was six years old and truly a part of my family, a sister of mine. I almost forgot what it was like to lose someone close to me, but her death was yet again a reminder of what people can do for you and how they can make you feel even when they're gone.

His memories will never fade away. As a quote in memory of him goes: "When tomorrow starts without you, don't think we're far apart. For every time I think of you, we're right here in my heart." Someone else's comment mentioned that they saw a message board signature in his loving memory... that was me. I want people to know what this man did to change my life. Anyone who has met him is now a better person because of him. I will forever thank him for that.

Today I miss him more than ever. It has been seven years to this day, and he's all that's on my mind. I can't help but imagine the kind of person he'd be today. Seeing blog posts like this make me realize that there is still faith in this world to hopefully have many more Timothy Volkert's change other people's lives.

May he rest in peace.

Brandon Walker Robinson