Thanks to my husband for the links, these are must watch videos! A nice break during the campaign...They are both very funny (IMHO).
With all due respect, I know that Democrats do this too sometimes...but this is current and either VERY funny or VERY scary, depending on how you look at it.
<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/J8uGenNjOAI&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/J8uGenNjOAI&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>
Why God made Moms -- BRILLIANT Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions!!
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mom?
1. We're related
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on. (I almost peed my pants when I read this one)
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
Are swimsuits funny? YES, INDEED THEY ARE. You must read this post by my future MILF inspiration, Mom-o-Matic. I laughed, I cried, I sympathized. Then I started cruising the internet for other funny swimsuit stuff, and wouldn't you know it, the only thing I could find that was even somewhat humorous was Borat's swimsuit now available in Singapore.
Mostly, swimsuit buying time is not a funny time of year unless you are, say Beyonce. My take away from this is to go at it with a sense of humor, like MOM did. I'll be laughing all the way to the treadmill.
Sent to me via email today:
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male
and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop
their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-
December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in
the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting
Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be
We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
Guys, I love 'ya, but this shit is funny!
I had to laugh several times as I read this article (read it, it's a quick one) on the web site of one of our local news shows...there are just so many phrases that could make one laugh. First of all, "naked and carrying a concealed weapon" has to tell you right away that this isn't your ordinary news story.
Next comes "lying naked on a tree stump fondling himself." It's just a visual that I don't need to have. "Arrested on suspicion of indecent exposure." Were the cops just suspicious that his nakedness was indecent? Did they need to seek some kind of expert to make that determination? If you can't decide that the guy who was sitting naked on a tree stump fondling himself was indeed indecent, I think you need to go back to the academy for some more training.
"Removed a six-inch metal awl wrapped in black electrical tape without incident." First of all, removing anything that is six inches long from inside your arse is in fact an incident in and of itself, thank you. And why was it wrapped in electrical tape? Did that make it easier to slide in and out? Hmmm. One wonders. And why was the fire department called? Did the guy need help removing the item? How many firefighters does it take to extract a screwdriver from an anus anyway? Our tax dollars hard at work, folks. Unbelievable.
My latest favorite commercials are the "Man Laws" by Miller Lite...you've probably seen them...a bunch of guys (most of them you typical full-of-machismo-types) sitting around a big table discussing the laws of manhood and beerhood. The latest pokes fun at the practice of putting lime in your beer (read: Corona). They discuss one of the positive aspects (it prevents scurvy) but they end up agreeing that one must not "fruit the beer." Enjoy for yourself:
This is absolutely the FUNNIEST Halloween blog I read today. Fussy, dear, Fussy, you rock! How is one to even be in the same league as you? Please, everyone, read this post!
Here are some of the other Halloween posts I enjoyed:
I just read this hysterical post on The Huffington Post written by Bill Maher. It is about a rule (law?) in Florida (of course, where else?) that requires that all library volunteers be drug tested. As noted in Maher's piece, the average age of library volunteers is between 60 and 85.
And Maher's comment about the last time a librarian did anything stupid and reckless while on drugs is not to be missed. You gotta read the whole thing.
**Climbing on the soapbox**
We have WAY too many other things to be worried about. Especially in Florida. How about drug testing the Governor and the people he has appointed? How about spending the money and time on something more productive and important like, oh, say the homeless problem, the crime rate, the state of health care?
**Climbing back down**
Can you just see the 80 year old guy emptying his colostomy bag into the little receptacle? Test THIS!
At the dinner table last night, one of the kids introduced a "game" where you think of a movie title and replace one of the words in the title with the word "ass." I don't think we've ever laughed so much at dinner together than we did on this night. Now, I'm sure that Ward and June would have never participated in, or even allowed such a game to be played, especially at the dinner table with Wally and the Beaver. However, I think that they were missing out. Here were some of the titles we came up with (see if you can think of any more that would be amusing):
Potter Ass Star
How to Make an American
Brother Ass, Whereart Thou
Time Ass to Kill
OK, you get the picture...any ideas? Come on, you'll be surprised how much you chuckle.
A bear, a lion and a chicken meet. Bear says: "if I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."
Lion says: "if I roar in the desert, the entire desert is afraid of me."
Says the chicken: "big deal I only have to cough, and the entire planet wets itself."
I was thinking about going to Mass this Sunday. We have never gone to Mass as a family. This is our first real High School Event as Payton goes into Serra High School (an all boys Catholic school). So anyway, as I was thinking about it, it dawned on me.
This is brilliant. What better way to kick off these sometimes frightening years than to get down on my knees and to pray to the powers that be for help, support, guidance and mercy.
So, dear friends, this Sunday I will don my finest apparel, march myself into the school chapel, get down on my knees and pray that the universe will be kind to my son (but not too kind because he needs to know REAL life), watch over him and keep him from doing anything too stupid (he'll be driving this time next year).