I try not to have expectations around anyone's feelings, especially my own. Expectations usually lead to disappointment or confusion.
Tonight, as I get read to go to bed knowing that I don't have to get up and go to work tomorrow morning, or any other morning in the near future, I find myself surprised with how I'm feeling. It's a cross between dis-orientation and melancholy. I totally did NOT expect to feel like this.
I left my job this past Friday. I actually gave notice about six months ago, but stayed for a while in hopes that they would find my replacement and that I could help effect a smooth transition. I stayed as long as I could but six months was my limit. I very much love the people I worked with and Friday was a tough day. There were tears, cheers and everything in between. I spent some time by myself with a glass of prosecco and cheese, met Dan and some friends for an afternoon of contratulations, and then went and danced the night away at the Carlos Club.
Then on Saturday, Dan surprised me with a spa day and a night at the Stanford Park Hotel. Just the two of us enjoying some down time. It was priceless and just what I needed. He's a keeper.
And here I sit, on Sunday evening preparing to go to bed (but first an episode or two of True Blood). I have a little bit of a sick feeling in my stomach. I feel a little numb. It is becoming evident that this will not be all sh*ts and giggles. So much of my identity has been wrapped up in my work and my career.
And here I sit, unemployed by choice, but unemployed none-the-less. It will be many, many months before that becomes a bad thing and I have ideas galore on what I want to do with my time off. But I'm still feeling out of sorts. I guess that is to be expected. This is a huge life change for me. All change is difficult and takes time to get used to whether it is good or bad.
I'm thinking that I need to just breath, be kind to myself, and acknowledge that whatever I'm feeling (expected or unexpected) is fine. It's just part of the process. And that I'll wake up tomorrow and tackle the day in whatever way feels right. I'm so proud of myself for daring to take this journey, for stepping outside of my comfort zone.
Because that is when great things tend to happen.