This is both a strange and a very familiar feeling for me. The tention between knowing that I need this trip, that I deserve this trip...and the guilt that I'm going alone. That I'm being selfish.
I need to shift my vocabulary. I'm not being selfish, I'm being gentle with myself. I've been emotionally fragile for the past several months and I need to feed my soul and rest and refocus my brain.
But these waves of guilt still keep coming. It doesn't matter what the people around me tell me. I know they love me and want me to be well and that is why I'm doing this in the first place.
Perhaps once I get there I will get lost in the decadence of the moment and leave the guilt behind.