Today I went to my first Serra High School event. Every year the Mom's Club at Serra puts on a fundraising Fashion Show. This year's theme was "April in Paris." A classy affair. 600 of Serra's finest Moms, Grandmas, etc. all gathered together to spend a little money, watch a sweet fashion show where the male models are all Serra students and the female models are from Serra's "sister schools."
After standing in line to get a soda at the bar for about 1/2 hour, I realized why the line was taking so damn long. All of the 60-80 year women in line in front of me were ordering vodka tonics, bloody mary's, whiskey sours etc. It was 11:00 am for God's sake. Really. So the lady in front of me talked me into a bloody mary. OK, sure. I can hang with that.
We took our seats at the luncheon tables, these beautiful salads already waiting for us at each of our places. A bread basket that any self-respecting carb-a-holic like me would die for. Not having had breakfast, and about to drink a generous sized bloody mary, I decided that I needed to dig in right away. Everyone had been served so I was good to go. I took my first few bite in pure bliss. The dressing was fabu, tasty but not to sweet. I looked up and glanced around. Funny, nobody else was eating. Not at my table, not at any other table. I thought, wow, they must not be as hungry as I am. Or they know more people than I do and they are busy visiting. I took a few more bites. Still, I was the only one. This went on for about 10 minutes. Ok, so I was eating slow, but something just didn't feel right and just couldn't put my finger on it.
At that point Father I-don't-remember-his-name came out and announced that he was about to say grace. Grace. Grace. OH SHIT! Are you kidding me? THAT'S what everyone is waiting for. I almost puked. That's it. We're out. Payton's going to get a letter in the mail that reads, "Payton, we are sorry, but you acceptance at Serra has been revoked because your Mother is going to hell! She made a pig of herself infront of everyone and didn't think it was worth waiting to praise our Lord, Jesus Christ, for the food that he has provided for us. We are really sorry, but we just can't have the likes of your blasphemus Mother in our midst. Good luck at whatever other school you go to. Sincerely, Father I-can't-remember-his-name."
The only thing that saved me from crawling under the table and puking was idea that this would make a great blog topic. My dear readers, you have saved me once more. God bless you!